Following the Angst

Paint Party Friday

Still working on my #100dayproject2018

 Sometimes out of nowhere you get a

 feeling. Or a thought about a person

 you haven't seen or spoken to 

 in years! It nags you until you 

indulge it by doing a google search!

Recently I had a really strong 

feeling about a cousin, dads
 sisters son!  More than a 
a decade my senior, we lost
 touch after his mom died. 
Thirteen years ago I bumped 
into him  at a mall, we sat in
 the food court and caught up!

 He apprised me of a time 

 he saw me at a coffee shop.
I was with two girlfriends! 

It was surprising that he never

addressed me that day as

his parents were always so

jovial!

He was probably amused

  that I hadn't  recognized

 him eavesdropping! I

  vaguely remembered

an older male sitting 

 kitty corner to us.

We caught up a bit more,

then parted ways. I haven't

  heard  from him since! Then
 March 30th this year my angst
  to look him up was haunting! 

Unfortunately he's from the 

generation not always internet

savvy! So it was a bit more of

a challenge to find him!

  I persisted in my search

  and found an obituary. 

 His wife of 54 years had recently

passed March first! The funeral

was March 29th one day before

  my incessant google search! 

Only seventy one she'd been

living in a care home! In lieu

of flowers they requested 

donations to the Alzheimer

society! Which I found odd

since she had Crohns disease

from the age of seventeen

and wasn't expected to live

past thirty! I had a little cry

for my cousin and his family! 

I was shocked at where my 

intuition lead me! They

were such a close couple 

and I'm sure the loss has

been devastating for him!

 Then last week I had another

angst to find an old childhood

  Friend! Mature  well beyond

our years we spent countless

  hours together as kids. Sharing

 secrets, cooking, singing,

 chasing boys and camping! We   

went to the same Sunday 

school and youth group, slept

at each others homes almost

weekly for years. We got into

a lot of mischief together!

 I was a year older, her sarcasm 

was biting  at times, eventually our 

friendship  waned in our mid teens!

 For the sake of nostalgia I had

her   stand up at my wedding.

Then I moved away, she  followed

 a different path and we lost touch!

  My memories of her have always 

held a  special place in my heart!

As a young woman  she was in hotel 

management, and once  featured in the

 Newspaper having had a professional 

makeover.  I kept the article! 

 For some reason there was this 

deep nagging feeling  to peek in on 

my friend. Not to contact her, but

to see if she had a family. I'd
always wondered if she'd ever 
pursued writing since she
was quite a wonderful writer
as a young girl! We were two
creative souls who had not
yet realize our full potential
during our friendship!

I found my friend. We both have only 

children with  very unique names!

At ten we kibitzed about what  we would
 name our children. At the time I wanted
 to call a daughter Paisley...but my partner
balked at it! My former friend also had
something unique in mind but never
followed through! Her daughters  
instagram was very informative. 
 Sadly my friends loving husband

  passed away September 2017 I

 never met him...   it would have been 

his 60th birthday a few days before I

 started my search for her!

It was amazing to see  how much

  my friends daughter  resembles
her mother. Certain poses were
 exactly the same...she is built 

almost identical to her mom. 
It was heartwarming to see,
as my mind reminisced!

Spring is here...photo credit Cupcake

 I've said several prayers for my 
 old friend and wish her well. 
This sounds terrible, but I have
no desire or energy to reignite
  that friendship. I can barely

 keep up to my current 

relationships! Including

friends and family! But

for some reason my intuition

was determined to arouse

and inform me! I'm still

processing all this recent

information... 

Do you have any fond memories of people

  you have no desire to reconnect with? 

Intention of your Stories

Paint Party Friday

The human condition is so multi layered and complex.

 Now that everything is out there on social media

 it's way easier to spot and magnify flaws. Even 

though you may erase  them in your life they are

  permanently etched  somewhere in the minds 

of others or on the internet!

100 day art project day

There are many brave bloggers and influencers 

willingly put themselves authentically out to

the world. Some are very  superficial, others 

are  educational and informative!  It's truly

 a privilege when they share so generously!

 We can all learn so much once we weed

 through all the fluff!

Writers and artists are now expected to have

a large social media following. With that, 

  comes  scrutiny and judgement that can

 be hurtful to any human spirit!

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

As I would want the same treatment! Last 

week when I spoke about sharing less

 flattering photos and stories  I truly gave

those influencers a pass because I know

they never have ill intentions! I know they
often get negative comments that are so 
cutting. I'd never want to be party to that!

Intention is really important to factor in

when making a judgement of any kind!

Those two hardworking very loving 

influencers are sincerely good souls.

 They lovingly shared family stories

  they thought were worthy and 
endearing from their perspective.

 Were they naive? Possibly. If they
read my blog could they be mortified.
Possibly. However whatever they
 share comes from a place of kindness.

 When you look at an elder person

you can often forget who they once

were! What was important to them

and how they might  feel held up

to the light in their worst condition!

Over the years I have made many 

mistakes that I cringe at now! Do 

I have regrets...big ones! I'm just

happy they aren't recorded on the 

internet! Bad enough that friends
and family saw them.

I was always proud of how my dad

kissed us on the lips everyday!

Much like Tragically Hip front man

Gord Downie always did! Dad kissed

my brother on the lips until the day

he died. I still tear up when I think

of how special that was! Very

  few in my neighbourhood had

  as loving a dad as we did!

 

 My brother balks at that story.

He was twenty five when dad died!
 It's a big part of our families love

story that I value! We were never
allowed to leave the house without
kissing our parents...it was a rule!
 My dad loved his children dearly!

I always tell that story with

such love and good intention

and detest that he cuts me off

as though it's inappropriate!

My perspective is different than his!

I have different types of friends 

and live a completely different

lifestyle but my intention is always

good!

How about you .....do you say or do

something out of love that makes

your family cringe?

An Important Boundary!

Paint Party Friday

 This week I will continue to share a few more
 pages as well as a short video of the 
completed booklet I made for my dear 
friend! I'm still blown away at

how much it pleased her! 

Cupcake figures my friend probably 
appreciates how the booklet expresses
many of the  components of who she is!
 I hadn't thought of it that way, but
 I guess we all hope people will see
our true essence with all the little
nuances of who we are!

I also read a quote that said 

"Whenever someone creates something

with all their heart, then that creation

is given soul" The Cat Returns 2002

It was such a joy to honor all my friends assets

in such a special way! Even though I don't love

all the artwork....it was intuitively expressed

with so much love, night after night!!

On another note, we're still at the
 pioneering stages of  social media
 with proper  boundaries not completely 
worked out!  I do imagine it will come in 
time. Not without some regret along the way!!

Recently I watched a few of the instagram

stories that really disturbed me!! One,

a granddaughter showed her Nana

struggling to get up a step with her walker!

While a favourite celebrity videoed her 

aging mother without her front teeth in!
I shudder to think what these older women
would feel if they were aware!

Neither of these lovely female Influencers
 meant any harm. Both are truly beautiful souls!

They just weren't thinking. I felt a bit squeamish 
as I  watched these older women 
on camera. Albeit a few seconds it was still
disturbing and invasive. All the while so 
grateful knowing my daughter would
 would never expose me in that light!

I'm sure both ladies thought their 

adoration was worth sharing. However 

I'm not sure they were aware at how

those being filmed might feel if they

knew it was being shared 
 publicly to a very large audience!

I think this is a really important 

conversation worth having  with 

our loved ones as we age!
After all don't we all want to
star in our own show looking 
our best!

Cupcake knows what a proud

woman I have always been.

  I've never left my house without makeup

 and hair done. I have no doubt 

she will always protect my dignity 
as I continue to age!

My mother was a proud hairdresser.

Who never left her  house without
lipstick and hair done too!
So when she passed  in
palliative care,  my brother 
and I did her hair and makeup!

 Just like she would expect us to!
That way those who would see

  our mom next, would be presented

with the woman she would want

them to see. The beautiful proud 

woman who was loved by her 

family! Not the woman the

Cancer forced her to become!

                            Ask yourself how you would

want the world to see you

if the choice was no

longer yours?

I wonder if those proud women

sharing their aging relatives

publicly  would want to 

be seen without their teeth

or struggling with a walker?

Pretty sure the answer would

be  an emphatic NO, and that
"Do unto others as you would have
 them do unto you" still applies!

 

I hope you will enjoy this very quick video

of my Booklet... the colour and sheen 

are so much  nicer on video.

New Booklet

Paint Party Friday

Wishing you all a Happy Easter filled with love and joy!!

Photo credit Cupcake!

 I created another art booklet for my friends 

Birthday and slipped it into  the above envelope....

She  was beyond thrilled and used the word

magical to describe how it felt receiving it! 

 She's one who appreciates snail

 mail more than anyone I know!

For years has always sent fun bits 

of mail to our group!

The booklets are done very intuitively. Adding

a bit of what I know about the person to make

 it manifest! I love the process....I'm always

surprised at what appears! This book felt a bit

 more contrived than the  one I'm working on now!

I started by writing down all the wonderful,

  interesting things I know about my friend!

 As I proceeded the images would start

  to appear. It's somewhat like a puzzle

you have to figure out as you go!

The one above was the hardest I just didn't know where 

it would appear and what it was trying to say! I do enjoy

the process even if I don't always like the images that

show up! 

 I do continue on and find joy in the colours!! So glad she

enjoyed receiving it. What I  found interesting is

that my friend is a very hard worker and prides herself

in that!! For decades she never took a sick day.

She has trudged along through migraines and

an injured foot!!

Yet no where did Hard worker fit into her little book.

After it was completed I thought to myself, wow,

she's such a hard worker but everything else she

does is what's remembered and noted!!

Of course it takes a lot of work to be a great hostess,

however it's the end result that mattered and what 

will be remembered!! Even though she puts hard work

and service to others top of her list....we will 

always remember the end results!!

  Almost three decades ago my friend 

first confided in me she liked to write! 

After that we joined a writers group together. 

Forged a deep and lasting friendship!

Twelve years ago March 30th I started this blog!

The rest is history!

Cupcake put together this little Easter combination... those vintage pieces aren't my thing but they look cute!!

Have you ever thought something in your life was

so important....then later found out it didn't

matter as much as you first thought?